October 30, 2009, by CocoaZilla
The Halloween Chocolate Candy Pyramid
You wait all year for this day, or at the very least wistfully reminisce as tiny Batmans, witches, Pokemon and ballerinas run by with their plastic handled trick or treat containers banging against their wands and staffs…and know that once upon a time, you too, ruled the Chocolate Candy Pyramid.
Let’s face it, there is a hierarchy. As soon as you got home and dumped out your pillow case or Mc D’s scary Happy Meal pail the sorting began. And how did you sort? Know it consciously or not, you sorted to The PYRAMID. You’ll know what I mean, keep reading.
Starting at the base of the pyramid, we begin with the staples, the classics and often what ends up on the bottom of your Halloween pail anyway.
Also know as the “sharing tier.” This is the group of candy that you select from when your mom makes you give some to a younger brother or when you’re trying to get a friend to trade you for something.
#15-Nestle Crunch– A cornerstone of the Halloween candy pyramid. Rare in occurrence, small in size but tasty and fun in a single bite. Sure the chocolate’s a little waxy but once they started making them into ice cream bars you were hooked for life. The small powerful blue wrapper with the bright red writing is burned into the pyramid forever.
#14-Chocolate Coins/Palmers Shaped Chocolates– Every year, a couple who clearly doesn’t have children or grandchildren buys these waxy, crumbly and greasy coated “chocolates” for the their fun shapes, bright foil packaging and cheap price. Anyone who remembers being a kid or has kids knows that no one eats these unless they are bored. Leave them long enough in your Halloween bucket and they start to absorb the odor of the plastic giving them that extra special aged taste. These belong in the pyramid, if anything to pay tribute to those childless people who have forgotten what it was like to be a kid.
#13-Sixlets– The classic little bright colored balls seem to be disappearing from most of the Halloween buckets of today. I used to love eating these little dry and almost tasteless candies one by one. They seem to be making a comeback in other forms, I’ve seen them in mega bags at Target recently. They retain a place in the pyramid simply because they are steeped in Halloween childhood history.
#12-Tootsie Rolls– Someone is always handing these out by the handful. If you end up at a school carnival or trick or trunking in the parking lot of a school, you always end up with way more these than you would ever eat. Why? Cause they’re cheap. Now if you get the flavored kinds of orange and vanilla, mark that house for next year, cause you’re going back. If we’re talking about the regular old root beer colored logs, remove these from their place in the pyramid and the whole thing stays in tact as Tootsie Rolls are never a load bearing candy and will end up being the one candy you toss at the end of next year.
#11-Whatchamacalit– Ever notice how you only get maybe one of these a year? Or the more likely scenario, your sister gets two but refuses to trade you for anything except the single Butterfinger you got, which of course, you refuse to give up. Who needs Whatchamacalit anyway? It’s the bottom of the pyramid.
The tier where it’s starting to get good, it includes favorites that you never pick when staring at them at the 7-11 but could often find in an office candy bucket.
#10-M&Ms Fun Size– The size that is never fun in M&Ms. What are there like 12 in that package? If that? I always ended up with two or three, but never enough to make up a whole bag’s worth and once in a great while did I get the package of the peanut M&Ms fun size. Either way you dice it, M&Ms are a Halloween candy staple and have earned their place in the pyramid.
#9-Kit Kat– Ah the two bar Kit Kat, just the right amount of creamy chocolate, crispy wafers and perfect for load bearing beams in the house of candy you will inevitably build with the evening’s haul. There are always just not enough houses giving out the Kit Kat, you’ll end up with 4 at the end of the night if you’re lucky. So if you see one of those buckets on the front porch of the house and the sign that says “take one please” give yourself a break and dig a little deeper and see if you can’t come away with a Kit Kat bar!
#8-Almond Joy– The one with nuts. Ever notice that there’s no Mounds fun size? What’s up with that? What do you do when you don’t feel like a nut? Either way, Almond Joys are near the center of our Halloween candy pyramid, they’re a center of the Halloween candy universe. You know the houses that are giving those out are either one of two kinds: the first kind loves coconut and buys it because of that. Kids don’t really like shredded coconut, chocolate covered or not. The second kind is the kind on a diet but still wants to participate in Halloween, so they buy the candy they won’t be tempted to eat up themselves.
#7-Baby Ruth– Ignoring the awesome scene in Caddyshack, the Baby Ruth can stand on it’s own. While the origins of the name are actually disputed, there’s no disputing that this baby belongs on the pyramid as a chocolate candy you’ll end up getting a couple of and might even try and bury from a nosy parent looking for their share.
Now we’re getting to the groups that are off limits in trade negotiations, mostly because of scarcity and tast-isity.
#6-Twix Caramel– Without a doubt one of the tastiest chocolate candies ever made. For whatever reason, caramel continues to beat out peanut butter, the doomed and delicious Cookies n’ Cream Twix and Fudge Twix experiments of the early 1990’s. Fun size or full size, Twix caramel always belongs at the top. Any size is fun size with Twix. (This is not a paid endorsement, honest.)
#5-Hershey’s Mix– The center off the pyramid for these classics will only do. Hershey’s Milk Chocolate, Special Dark, Krackle and Mr. Goodbar. Just try and find an adult who can’t name all the flavors of the Hershey’s line up. They might not know the justices of the Supreme Court or who even the governor is, but we all know where to find Krackle. I’m also pretty sure that Special Dark is in there to give the adults something to snack on while they hand out the rest.
#4-Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup– I said “cup” not “cups” because unless you find that mythical house giving out full size candy bars, all you’re getting is the singular cup. Nothing wrong with that actually, I find the single serving size to be quite enjoyable and always keep a few for myself. Why should the kids to get to have all the candy?
Popular and tasty, these are the chocolates you’ll break into first and know that you can always get more of later.
#3-3 Musketeers– Light and fluffy and oh so tasty, the 3 Musketeers was one of the fun sizes you could put the whole thing in your mouth at once and actually be able to enjoy it without choking. Not that I’m advocating that’s how 3 Musketeers should be eaten, but it is plentiful, popular and technically better for you (the wrapper says so), so stock up on your essentials from the Halloween candy pyramid.
#2-Milky Way– The personal favorite of Cocoa Heaven, and always eaten in fun size format. I used to try and see every Halloween just how many of these I could gather before the night was out. This was also one of the bars that used to be off limits in the trading period with siblings after the candy buckets were emptied. Even if I had 5, it wasn’t enough.
The tip of the top. The top of the tip. This chocolate bar is the most popular to get and to give.
#1-Snickers– Last but not least, we have reached the top! At the top lies a fun size Snickers bar! You ever notice how the smaller a Snickers bar is, the better it tastes? There’s just something about the nougat to caramel to peanut ratio as it grows in size. A mini and fun size Snickers have always tasted the best, it’s the full size and king size (especially the king size) that starts to taste a fake and sickly. I say continue to pop those minis and fun size Snickers like vitamins and you’ll be certain to get the most out of your Halloween candy food pyramid!